Sunday, October 17, 2004

Overhead projector night at Lexiconjury

I'm not exactly au courant as far as projection technology goes, but I'm guessing the overhead projector is to public presentations what the Moog synthesizer is to popular music. And besides, what better way to give Billy Corgan the extended middle finger than to join the friendly folks at Lexiconjury on Tuesday night? Below is the typically hillarious and illuminating e-flyer from the Lex crew.
_____________________________

First, a nutritional quiz. Please answer truthfully.

( y / n ) I avoid poetry within one hour of a meal.
( y / n ) I have speculative fiction or chick lit available for snacking instead of fantasy or romance novels.
( y / n ) I read when I am hungry, not when I am bored or lonely.
( y / n ) I prefer euphony to end-rhyme whenever possible.
( y / n ) Creative, leafy green non-fiction is an essential part of my daily literary intake.
( y / n ) I vary my genres so that I get different nutrients from different books.
( y / n ) I rarely listen to blanched white spoken word, preferring whole performances instead.
( y / n ) I do most of my reading at home instead of attending high fat readings and book launches.
( y / n ) When forced to attend a reading, I choose series that are low in pretension and salt.
( y / n ) I read back cover copy carefully to find "hidden" fats and low wit-to-calorie ratios.

If you answered “no” to any or all of these questions, then you may be leading a lifestyle of literary excess. For instance, did you know that books such as Rat Jelly, Cat's Eye, Waiting for Saskatchewan, Autobiography of Red and The Empress Has No Closure may seem to have nutritional value, but are far too high in sugar and other empty calories? A steady diet of books like those and you'll greatly increase your risk of heart disease, stroke and terminal unpopularity.

Thankfully, the Lexiconjury Reading Series is here to help. We're dedicated to making your literature both tasty and healthy, even for reading after school or at the workplace. There's no time like now to improve your reading habits, which is why you should attend our latest seminar:

LEXICONJURY XXV: Reading Your Way to a Healthier You
Tuesday, October 19th
The Cameron House Backroom
7:30 for 8pm

featuring Brian Joseph Davis, Mark Truscott and a collaboration between Daccia Bloomfield and Katy McGown. Also featuring an Overhead Projector.

Here are some of the tasty treats you're in for when you attend Lex XXV:

THE BRIAN JOSEPH DAVIS DIET
History is filled with fad poetry movements, but none quite took hold like the BRIAN JOSEPH DAVIS diet. In 1979 Davis published his first book, "The Brian Joseph Davis Medical Poetry Diet" to great acclaim and popularity. Davis' diet was counterintuitive, advocating the use of popular culture over heavy symbolism, television imagery over traditional imagery, and artificial verse forms over free verse. Critics were quick to stem the effects of the Brian Joseph Davis diet, contesting its slimming effects as "mere water loss" and stating that a reliance on junk culture not only created the basis for poor writing habits but was also medically dangerous. Still, The Brian Joseph Davis diet had its notable advocates, including V.C. Andrews, Venom drummer Abaddon and Canadian film director Bob Clark. At the time, Davis was quoted as saying "If my literary legacy ended with Flowers in the Attic, Venom's Black Metal and Porky's I'd still die a happy man." Davis himself will present an updated form of his diet, and will field questions from medical professionals who will challenge his assertion that poetry can survive entirely on the pseudo-science presented in C.S.I. and its derivatives C.S.I.: Miami and C.S.I.: New York.

TRUSCOTT’S
Lexiconjury in association with The Food Network and Nabisco Foods are pleased to bring you our cooking demonstration "Appetizers For Living: Tricky Treats with Truscott’s Brand Snacking Crackers". What makes Truscott’s so good, and what makes them perfect for your halloween happenings? First, there's MARK TRUSCOTT, who is synonymous with poetry flavour. Truscott’s have singlehandedly changed people's perceptions, proving that low-fat short verse forms can not only be tasty, they can retain their shape and crunch even when microwaved or baked with cheese. Second: it's the ingredients, silly. Low-fat Truscott’s are made with the best... just check the package! No preservatives. No artificial flavours. Just all-natural reeds and things. So good you'll want to say it out loud! Whether going upscale or downscale, with Truscott’s brand snacking crackers you'll never have to settle for your standard halloween haikus again.

SUGARY BLOOMFIELDS WITH DRIZZLED McGOWN
The key to healthy living is moderation. What good is poetry if you can't sneak a peek at some visual art every now and then? Here's Lexiconjury's secret recipe for a little indulgence, Sugary Bloomfields with Drizzled McGown. People believe that DACCIA BLOOMFIELD is hard to make from scratch and often resort to store bought brands. Not true! Simply mix bulk biomorphism with 1 cup of prose narrative and 2 separated perspectives and sketch with ink or charcoal. Next, form the mixture into individual entities and place on a greased acetate. Preheat E-Z Bake overhead projector to 350 degrees and cook for 15 minutes. While the Bloomfields are baking it's time to prepare your KATY McGOWN. Knit three honeyed hymenoptera into fisherman's ribs or elongated chevrons. Reduce heat, add utensils and install. When Bloomfields have cooled drizzle your McGown installation and sprinkle with sugar until well disciplined. Don't forget to share!

There will also be a reduced carb open michelle (6 readers). Get there early, and bring your cover diet. 1+1 rule in effect. Grandstanders will be treated like trans-fats in the Atkins diet.

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